The Curse of the Silver Spoon

(This is an article I had posted several years ago with a few edits and updates.)

One of my favorite areas of working in a church is discipleship.  I don’t care if it’s a new convert or one of our teenagers, I thrive on spending time with them and helping them develop a foundation that will stand the test of time.  Having done a fair amount of this through the years, I am acutely aware of the careful nurturing that is required during those early days of living for God.  That said, I fear too often, we choose to raise our young people with a spiritual silver spoon in their mouths.  We are so focused on sparing them the scars the world can inflict, that we begin trying to provide them with a luxurious spiritual environment where living for God is easy, falling in love with Jesus comes naturally, and for the devil to get to them he has to cross a deep mote guarded by protective saints armed with the Word of God. 

In our efforts to “nurture” them, we offer them the best we can.  We put them in Sunday School as soon as they are out of diapers, we provide the best children’s church possible, then we put them in a youth class until they are in their early 20s.  We believe that we are giving them our best…we are providing years of solid teaching so that they can hide the Word of God in their hearts…and it will sustain them through the hard days.  We want them to be used of God, so we ask them to be praise singers and sometimes even musicians…but we carefully schedule it so they are involved infrequently, allowing them to spend the majority of their time absorbing the presence of God and worshipping unhindered, thereby ensuring they have time to touch God and fall in love with Him.  We believe fellowship with other Godly young people is important so we don’t expect them to be on the church cleaning list, help set up or clean up church dinners, or help with the work involved in youth events…they are just kids, and we would rather the adults do the menial tasks so the youth can fellowship.

But alas! I fear that by offering them the “best,” they never have to work for their walk with God.  I have heard so many Apostolic parents say, “I’m not buying my kid a car.  They will appreciate it more if they have to work for it.”  And yet, when it comes to walking with God, they fail to let that principle apply.  The truth is, a relationship with God is going to mean more to a young person if they have to invest in it.  Sunday School is great…but at what point do we expect our youth to begin transitioning from takers to givers - learners to teachers?  I don’t mean just helping do a skit sometimes…when do they truly get involved.  I would propose to you today that teaching Sunday School at a young age is one of the best gifts you can give a young person.  By the time they have studied and prepared for that class, poured their heart into teaching it, and then watched one of “their” kids get the Holy Ghost this truth will be deeply ingrained in them.

I am a firm believer in giving your musicians, singers, interpreters, etc a break.  If there is nobody that can rotate with them, require that they attend conferences each year.  Having said that, I have been a full-time musician since the age of 14.  It is coming in service after service after service after service…knowing that there is no break…and that if I need something from God I’m going to have to figure out how to get it WHILE I play an instrument, teach a class, interpret, etc…that taught me how to push past the obstacles and touch God.  Yes, everyone needs a service or altar call off from time to time, but we also need to teach them how to use what they are doing for God as a form of worship and to push their way into the Presence of God.

I am all for fellowship and Godly friends…but there is a personal pride in the house of God being clean, a smoothly planned event, or a fun trip that comes only when you have helped make it happen.  If we don’t require our youth to be involved in this, we deprive them not only of the life lesson in responsibility, but also the joy in seeing a job well done. 

I love our young people…I want to see them live for God more than anything else in this world.  But after looking at my past, visiting with some others who have had to hang on to Jesus with everything in them, and then watching the youth that we have so carefully protected and nurtured, I am convinced that the greatest favor we can do them is to take the silver spoon away and let them dive headfirst into the work of God.

10 Things that Helped Me Stay in Church

“What made you stay in church?”

“What did your parents do that made you want to live for God after you became an adult?”

I hear these questions fairly often, so I have compiled a list of things from my childhood I believe were integral in my choices as an adult.  While I am not foolish enough to believe that a backslidden child is always the result of parenting mistakes, I do believe there are things that we as adults can do to facilitate kids in developing a lasting relationship with God.  Please allow me to share my thoughts, and feel free to add yours in the comments section below.

1.       I was never required to pray at the altar or elsewhere.  When I was young I was required to go to the altar with my mom so she could keep an eye on me but I didn’t have to pray.  Living for God is a relationship and we can’t force our children into it.  Wisely, my parents exposed me to an atmosphere that was conducive to prayer and then allowed me to reach out to God if and when I was ready.

2.       Prayer was an everyday family event.  I learned to have a daily prayer life because every day at 9:00 pm my parents took prayer requests and we spent 30 minutes in family prayer.  I was allowed to pray for as long as I wished and then was allowed to simply sit quietly while my mom finished.  It ingrained the importance of prayer, the necessity of DAILY consistency, and it taught me how to pray as I listened to my parents. 

3.       They didn’t make a big fuss when I first began to seek God.   If they had I would have been embarrassed, but beyond that, I needed to begin building a relationship with God without the external pressure of “pleasing my parents” or doing it for accolades. 

4.       My parents did not allow me to be baptized before they were certain I understood the purpose of baptism and its importance.  When I was 8 I approached my parents of my own accord about being baptized.  They didn’t jump on the idea immediately even though I had been going to the altar and praying for some time.  Instead, they asked a lot of questions and had a very serious conversation with me to make sure I really knew what I was doing and why.  This not only ensured I didn’t just get wet in a ritual I wasn’t ready for, it helped instill in me the importance of what I was doing.  It is a great disservice to our church kids to cheat them out of the beautiful experience of knowing their sins are being washed away by allowing them partake in baptism when they don’t fully understand.  Similarly, my parents were firm believers that a child should not be baptized until they asked and were prepared to take it very seriously even if they had received the Holy Ghost.  It is crucial that our church kids don’t simply go through the motions because “this is what we do.”  They need to feel the tug of conviction and have the maturity and understanding to treat the blood that is being applied with respect. 

5.       Church was never optional in our house.  If you weren’t running a fever you went to church.  Everything else was of lower importance.

6.       We didn’t do homework at church.  It had to be done before or after.  If we dawdled and wasted time so we didn’t get it done before church, we got our backside paddled and then stayed up late to finish it, but we weren’t allowed to treat the House of God as secondary to anything, including education.

7.       We were encouraged to get involved in the work activities at church.  We learned dedication and the importance of the House of God both by watching our parents’ investment into the Kingdom and by being involved ourselves.  I started teaching Sunday School at the ripe old age of 11.  While I can’t say I would go looking for 11-year-olds to put in Sunday School classrooms, it did me no harm.  As I grew up I continued to take on more responsibilities in the church.  My time and energy were simultaneously being invested into both the work of God and my personal walk with God.

8.       My parents were real about living for God.  Our kids don’t need “rote answers”.  They need to see a real walk with God based on real life, real Biblical study, and honesty.  I was raised to understand the difference in holiness standards based scriptural mandate verses those rooted in wisdom and preference, and I was taught to respect both for what they are.  I learned that real Christians get discouraged, they fail, they repent, they have times when prayer is hard, and much more.

9.       Living for God was fun in our house.  When there were fellowship activities at church, we participated.  My parents made the necessary sacrifices to make sure we got to youth conferences, fun days, and activities our church friends were hosting, and if nothing was going on they hosted parties at our house.  Above all, they refused to treat living for God as a hardship.  I once knew someone who was fond of saying, “I traded my F-U-N for J-O-Y!”  I always felt sorry for them because I got to keep my F-U-N along with the J-O-Y of the Holy Ghost.

10.   I was raised to know what a “real” move of God is.  I was blessed to grow up in home missions, so I didn’t have some of the distractions many of our young people must wade through.  We prayed before church and worshipped until the Power fell.  There were no wild drums and screaming organs to “fake” a move of God for us.  I learned the value of standing silently with my hands raised and tears streaming down my face along with the importance of dancing and rejoicing.

I am not foolish enough to believe this is a “guaranteed” plan for keeping kids in church, but these factors were significant in helping direct and strengthen my walk with God.  As saints we all have a responsibility to do what we can to help the kids and young people in our churches develop relationships with God that will stand the test of time.  Thank you for reading.